Husband sets wife on fire during fight with child nearby, police say



A Fresno man was arrested on suspicion of attempted murder and domestic violence after he allegedly set his common-law wife on fire Sunday afternoon, authorities said.


The 21-year-old man apparently "became emotional" while discussing his relationship with the woman in a car in southeast Fresno, police Sgt. Steve Crawford told the Fresno Bee. The man allegedly threw gasoline on the woman and lighted her on fire.


When police arrived, Crawford said, the woman was rolling on the ground to put out the flames. The vehicle was also on fire.


The woman was taken to an area hospital with minor injuries, Crawford said. The couple's 2-year-old boy, who was near the car when the fire began, was not hurt.


The suspect's name has not been released by authorities.


ALSO:


Full coverage: Connecticut school shooting


Rain, chilly temperatures expected for Southern California


Jenni Rivera's generosity to needy honored; memorials planned


-- Kate Mather


Follow Kate Mather on Twitter or Google+.




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India Ink: India Reacts to Tendulkar's Retirement from One-Day Cricket

The Indian batsman Sachin Tendulkar said Sunday that he was retiring from One Day International cricket.

“I have decided to retire from the One Day format of the game. I feel blessed to have fulfilled the dream of being part of a World Cup winning Indian team,” Tendulkar said in a statement released by the Board of Control for Cricket in India.

With the decision, Tendulkar, who enjoys Godlike stature for many in India and abroad, drew the curtain on a 23-year career in the format, called O.D.I., having played 463 O.D.I.s, scored 18,426 runs and made 49 centuries. He holds the record for being the highest run scorer in this format of the game and has also made the largest number of centuries, played the greatest number of games and, along with the former Indian batsman Rahul Dravid, holds the record for highest partnership (331 runs against New Zealand).

Understandably, his decision has left some very distraught Indian cricket fans, who expressed their grief and almost a sense of bereavement on Twitter and other social media platforms.

“Tendulkar retires from ODI. End of an era. For the past 20 years, we were fortunate to watch & enjoy some amazing cricket, thanks to him,” an orthodontist based in Malaysia, who uses the Twitter handle Sabarinathan, tweeted.

“Finally world Ended in 2012,” a reader named Ashish, from Pune, commented on a Times of India story about the retirement.

B.C.C.I. officials, however, seemed less than perturbed.

“Tendulkar’s decision is not a shocker for B.C.C.I. He was waiting for the right time,” Ratnakar Shetty, the chief administrative officer, told reporters. “What he has expressed is his concern that India has to prepare for the next World Cup. From that point of view, he felt that it was time that he retired.”

“A person of his caliber knows what to do. He has always taken the right decision at the right time. He will continue to do that in future as well,” Sanjay Jagdale, the board’s general secretary, told reporters.

Reaction from the cricketing community in India was mixed.

“Sachin tendulkar a great batsman.great human being.a great friend.great man to look up 2.proud indian.Real son of india.I salute u nd love u,” the cricketer Harbhajan Singh tweeted.

“He has done Indian cricket a favor…. He has played a great deal of cricket and no one can compare to him but all I can say is: better late than never,” the former Indian cricketer Kirti Azad said in an interview with the news channel ABP.

Some fans, too, lauded Tendular’s decision as the right move at the right time.

“A late, but correct decision by Tendulkar. He will be missed but time had come,” Imran Asghar, who according to his Twitter profile is a British Pakistani, tweeted.

Tendulkar, it seems, has a special connection with India’s archrival, Pakistan. He made his debut in O.D.I.s, nearly two decades ago, against Pakistan on Dec. 18, 1989. His last O.D.I. was also against Pakistan, in Dhaka, Bangladesh, during the Asia Cup last March, where he scored 52 runs. India won the match.

Coincidentally his announcement came on a day when the Indian team for the two T20s and three O.D.I. matches with Pakistan, which will start next week, was announced.

“Sachin’s announcement has come as a big surprise,” Krishnamachari Srikkanth, former chairman of the selection committee for the Indian team, told news channel CNN-IBN. “I thought he would play in the one-day series against Pakistan.”

Despite a string of poor performances recently, Tendulkar bid adieu to his home audience in style. His last O.D.I. played in India was the World Cup final match against Sri Lanka in his hometown, Mumbai. India won the match and World Cup 2011, following a nearly three-decade wait after its 1983 World Cup victory.

“I would like to wish the team all the very best for the future. I am eternally grateful to all my well wishers for their unconditional support and love over the years,” he said in his statement.

However, he has announced no plans to retire from Test matches, the longer five-day format of the game.

Read More..

Rolling Stones' Ronnie Wood Marries in London: Report















12/23/2012 at 09:45 AM EST







Sally Humphreys and Ronnie Wood on their wedding day


Splash News Online


Talk about a rockin' wedding!

Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood tied the knot with his theater producer fiancée Sally Humphreys in a private ceremony Friday in London, according to a report in the U.K.'s Sun, which also published photos of the bride and groom on their happy day.

Wood, 65, and Humphreys, 34, announced their engagement in October, just six months after they began dating.

According to the reports out of the U.K., the rocker wore pink socks and a navy suit, and the bride wore her mother's wedding dress.

The low-key ceremony took place in the eighth floor penthouse in London's Dorchester Hotel.

Guests at the wedding included Rod Stewart and wife Penny Lancaster and Paul McCartney and his wife Nancy Shevell.

This is the third marriage for Wood, who just played shows with the Stones in the United States as part of their 50 and Counting tour.

Read More..

Predicting who's at risk for violence isn't easy


CHICAGO (AP) — It happened after Columbine, Virginia Tech, Aurora, Colo., and now Sandy Hook: People figure there surely were signs of impending violence. But experts say predicting who will be the next mass shooter is virtually impossible — partly because as commonplace as these calamities seem, they are relatively rare crimes.


Still, a combination of risk factors in troubled kids or adults including drug use and easy access to guns can increase the likelihood of violence, experts say.


But warning signs "only become crystal clear in the aftermath, said James Alan Fox, a Northeastern University criminology professor who has studied and written about mass killings.


"They're yellow flags. They only become red flags once the blood is spilled," he said.


Whether 20-year-old Adam Lanza, who used his mother's guns to kill her and then 20 children and six adults at their Connecticut school, made any hints about his plans isn't publicly known.


Fox said that sometimes, in the days, weeks or months preceding their crimes, mass murderers voice threats, or hints, either verbally or in writing, things like "'don't come to school tomorrow,'" or "'they're going to be sorry for mistreating me.'" Some prepare by target practicing, and plan their clothing "as well as their arsenal." (Police said Lanza went to shooting ranges with his mother in the past but not in the last six months.)


Although words might indicate a grudge, they don't necessarily mean violence will follow. And, of course, most who threaten never act, Fox said.


Even so, experts say threats of violence from troubled teens and young adults should be taken seriously and parents should attempt to get them a mental health evaluation and treatment if needed.


"In general, the police are unlikely to be able to do anything unless and until a crime has been committed," said Dr. Paul Appelbaum, a Columbia University professor of psychiatry, medicine and law. "Calling the police to confront a troubled teen has often led to tragedy."


The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry says violent behavior should not be dismissed as "just a phase they're going through."


In a guidelines for families, the academy lists several risk factors for violence, including:


—Previous violent or aggressive behavior


—Being a victim of physical or sexual abuse


—Guns in the home


—Use of drugs or alcohol


—Brain damage from a head injury


Those with several of these risk factors should be evaluated by a mental health expert if they also show certain behaviors, including intense anger, frequent temper outbursts, extreme irritability or impulsiveness, the academy says. They may be more likely than others to become violent, although that doesn't mean they're at risk for the kind of violence that happened in Newtown, Conn.


Lanza, the Connecticut shooter, was socially withdrawn and awkward, and has been said to have had Asperger's disorder, a mild form of autism that has no clear connection with violence.


Autism experts and advocacy groups have complained that Asperger's is being unfairly blamed for the shootings, and say people with the disorder are much more likely to be victims of bullying and violence by others.


According to a research review published this year in Annals of General Psychiatry, most people with Asperger's who commit violent crimes have serious, often undiagnosed mental problems. That includes bipolar disorder, depression and personality disorders. It's not publicly known if Lanza had any of these, which in severe cases can include delusions and other psychotic symptoms.


Young adulthood is when psychotic illnesses typically emerge, and Appelbaum said there are several signs that a troubled teen or young adult might be heading in that direction: isolating themselves from friends and peers, spending long periods alone in their rooms, plummeting grades if they're still in school and expressing disturbing thoughts or fears that others are trying to hurt them.


Appelbaum said the most agonizing calls he gets are from parents whose children are descending into severe mental illness but who deny they are sick and refuse to go for treatment.


And in the case of adults, forcing them into treatment is difficult and dependent on laws that vary by state.


All states have laws that allow some form of court-ordered treatment, typically in a hospital for people considered a danger to themselves or others. Connecticut is among a handful with no option for court-ordered treatment in a less restrictive community setting, said Kristina Ragosta, an attorney with the Treatment Advocacy Center, a national group that advocates better access to mental health treatment.


Lanza's medical records haven't been publicly disclosed and authorities haven't said if it is known what type of treatment his family may have sought for him. Lanza killed himself at the school.


Jennifer Hoff of Mission Viejo, Calif. has a 19-year-old bipolar son who has had hallucinations, delusions and violent behavior for years. When he was younger and threatened to harm himself, she'd call 911 and leave the door unlocked for paramedics, who'd take him to a hospital for inpatient mental care.


Now that he's an adult, she said he has refused medication, left home, and authorities have indicated he can't be forced into treatment unless he harms himself — or commits a violent crime and is imprisoned. Hoff thinks prison is where he's headed — he's in jail, charged in an unarmed bank robbery.


___


Online:


American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry: http://www.aacap.org


___


AP Medical Writer Lindsey Tanner can be reached at http://www.twitter.com/LindseyTanner


Read More..

Crowd gathers at Griffith Observatory to mark non-apocalypse









In the end, chances of a Maya apocalypse Friday night were infinitesimal — in fact nonexistent, according to a group of NASA experts.


But that didn't stop some Angelenos from cashing in on the notion of "no tomorrow." Across the city, businesses offered bomb shelters, T-shirts, "Mayan sweepstakes" and bucket list raffles. Nightclubs threw apocalypse-themed DJ parties. Even T.G.I. Friday's got into the spirit with a "Last Friday" celebration at the Hollywood & Highland Center.


Griffith Observatory took an aggressive stance against the doomsayers, holding a special gathering with educational talks and lectures debunking the apocalypse and extending its hours to one minute past midnight.





"We decided, well, we'll stay open and get everyone past the 13th baktun," Director Ed Krupp said, referring to the Maya calendar period that was supposed to end.


Hundreds lined up to peer through telescopes that magnified the night sky by up to a thousand times and trade rumors of planetary alignments and apocalypse parties.


Rick Matlock, 40, of San Pedro said the prophecy rumors never troubled him. He came to the observatory to help his son, a Cub Scout, earn an astronomy badge.


"I woke up this morning and checked Facebook, and guess what? Everyone was still alive," Matlock said.


Quashing the Maya apocalypse rumor has taken nearly a decade, said Griffith astronomical observer Anthony Cook. The rumors began in 2002, when conspiracy theorists decided that the observatory's closing was an attempt to hide the passage of Nbiru, supposedly a stealth planet, which according to one theory was supposed to crash into Earth on Dec. 21.


"Of course, we were just under renovation," Cook said.


Krupp said media attention on "this Mayan calendar business" began to create public anxiety. He fielded calls from nervous parents and teachers, while observatory guides reported that Maya apocalypse questions dominated the conversations on tours.


Michael Kirkpatrick was also worried, but for a different reason. If a secret planet collided with and destroyed the Earth, he would be out $1,000.


The 61-year-old retiree had struck a bet with his sister, whom he called a "crystal gazer." He plans to collect when he heads over to her house for Christmas.


"I know she's going to [skip out] on it, though," Kirkpatrick said.


With 10 minutes to midnight, about 300 people gathered at the steps out front. Excitement rippled through the crowd and some tried to start the wave. Couples held each other close, as children rubbed sleep from their eyes.


With 10 seconds to go, the crowd took up the countdown and thrust smartphones into the air:


"5, 4, 3, 2, 1..."


Then, it all ended with a bang — or rather a man striking a large bronze-colored gong, followed by cheers.


The crowd dispersed quickly. One man shouted, "Los Angeles, ladies and gentlemen!"


In the distance, the lights of the city shimmered, dreamlike.


frank.shyong@latimes.com





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In Islamist Bastion, Support Ebbs for Egypt’s Brotherhood


Tara Todras-Whitehill for The New York Times


A school with old posters of Mohamed Morsi, now the president, in Al Talbeya, a neighborhood in Giza, where disaffection with the government is growing. More Photos »







AL TALBEYA, Egypt — Mohamed Salamah used to vote with the Muslim Brotherhood. But in Saturday’s referendum on the Islamist-backed constitution, Mr. Salamah says he is voting against it, mainly because he no longer trusts the movement.




“They aren’t even doing anything very Islamic,” said Mr. Salamah, a 24-year-old waiter in a cafe in Al Talbeya, a working-class neighborhood in Giza across the Nile from Cairo that was an Islamist stronghold in previous votes. “They are just doing things that aren’t very competent.”


Throughout the neighborhood, both loyal supporters and critics of the Brotherhood described a deep erosion in the group’s street-level support. That was evident, they said, even before the low turnout and narrow margin in last weekend’s first round of voting on what residents here call “the Brotherhood constitution.”


The results so far appear to have surprised leaders of the Brotherhood and their opposition. And even if the draft constitution is approved, as expected, on Saturday in the second half of the vote, the new questions about the charter’s popularity and the Brotherhood’s mandate could prolong Egypt’s political turbulence and, as a result, defer badly needed economic reforms as well.


Residents here and around Cairo say the damage to the Brotherhood’s popularity is unrelated to its religious ideology. It reflects a consistent trio of complaints: confusing economic policies of the Brotherhood-led government, a near-monopoly on power and civilian supporters’ use of force against opponents in a street battle two weeks ago. Even so, many say the Brotherhood remains the most potent political force, in part because of the incoherence of the opposition, which has often focused on accusing the Brotherhood of imposing religious rule.


But for now economists say the battle for power is jeopardizing progress on the bread-and-butter issues that are paramount across the ideological spectrum. “What the economy needs are decisions that are politically courageous and credible, and no government can do that now,” said Ragui Assaad, an economist at the University of Minnesota with an office in Cairo.


A critical loan of more than $4 billion from the International Monetary Fund, expected to be signed this month, has been delayed until the political situation settles. The Egyptian pound is slipping against the dollar. And the most obvious step to improve the growth and fairness of the economy requires a government with credibility and political skill. Attempts at overhauling Egypt’s vast subsidies to energy prices have in the past set off riots.


“What we have now is a government that lacks legitimacy but also economic competence,” Mr. Assaad said. “I don’t see anything better coming out of this government.”


Brotherhood leaders have acknowledged the emergence of hostility against them. Mobs attacked more than three dozen Brotherhood offices, including its headquarters, in the prelude to the first round of voting on the constitution. “I am telling everyone, do not hate the Muslim Brotherhood so much that you forget Egypt’s best interest,” said Mohamed Badie, the group’s spiritual leader. “You can be angry at us and hate us as much as you want; we cannot control affection. But I say to you, be rational. Protect Egypt. Its unity cannot survive what is happening.”


For many in Al Talbeya, the defining moment of the prelude to the referendum was the night of Dec. 5, when the Brotherhood called its supporters to defend President Mohamed Morsi against protesters outside his office. Ten died in the fight. And although the Brotherhood has claimed all those killed were its members, seemingly everyone in Al Talbeya still blamed the group for the violence.


“People don’t like the Muslim Brotherhood as much as they used to, because they saw how they tried to control everything and how they beat people up,” said Emad Mohamed Yosri, 37, a tailor who still counts himself a supporter of the group.


Omar Ateh, 30, a shopkeeper and Islamist, said he was trying to defend the Brotherhood. “We are trying to make people understand, they are not from another planet,” he said, “they just like politics more than we do.”


But Ahmed Ragab, 14, interjected, “If they are such good people, why are they beating people up in the streets?”


Mayy El Sheikh contributed reporting from Cairo.



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Facebook’s new easier-to-manage ‘Privacy Shortcuts’ rolling out globally







Managing Facebook (FB) privacy settings can be a daunting nightmare. Facebook’s new “Privacy Shortcuts” is designed to make sharing items as transparent as possible with always-visible privacy button on the top toolbar. The update also brings “an easier-to-use Activity Log, and a new Request and Removal tool for managing multiple photos you’re tagged in.” The new Facebook privacy controls are rolling out globally starting on Friday and will arrive for all users by the end of the year. For the full details on all of the new changes, be sure to visit Facebook’s Newsroom here.


[More from BGR: Fan-made tweak gives Apple a blueprint for better multitasking in iOS 7 [video]]






This article was originally published by BGR


Social Media News Headlines – Yahoo! News





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Kelly Clarkson's Engagement & Jenna Dewan's Baby News Get Readers' Top Reactions















12/22/2012 at 09:00 AM EST







from left: Jenna Dewan, Channing Tatum, Kristen Stewart and Kelly Clarkson


Bauer-Griffin; Wireimage; AP


You continue to express what you're loving and laughing about on PEOPLE.com each week, and we are really happy with the feedback.

Understandably, this week left people very sad in the aftermath of Sandy Hook Elementary School's shooting that killed 27 children and adults in Newtown, Conn. But amid tragedy, there were also some presumable tears of joy from the newsmakers who made you laugh and smile with their baby and engagement stories.

Keep letting us know what's making you smile, frown, or LOL each week by clicking on the buttons at the bottom of every article.

Love You loved when PEOPLE broke the news that our Sexiest Man Alive Channing Tatum is about to become the Sexiest Dad Alive. He and wife Jenna Dewan-Tatum are expecting their first child next year.

Wow Kelly Clarkson wowed you with the gigantic yellow canary diamond engagement ring she was given by new fiané Brandon Blackstock. The pop star showed off her serious bling on Twitter and said her hubby-to-be "did an amazing job" co-designing the jewelry with Johnathon Arndt.

Sad You expressed sadness over PEOPLE's thorough coverage of the tragic shooting in Newtown, including ongoing funeral reports, a remembrance of all the victims and special stories about principal Dawn Hochsprung and hero teacher Victoria Soto.

Angry Kristen Stewart apparently still gets you mad, despite her apologizing for it. The On the Road star, who has been the subject of vitriolic criticism, told Newsweek, "It was never my intention" to upset people.

LOL You couldn't help but chuckle when Deadmau5 proposed to Kat Von D ... not in person but, instead, via Twitter. The reality star acknowledged the proposal on the social networking site, and then excused herself to "go squeeze the hell out of my fiancé!"

Check back next week for another must-read roundup, and see what readers are reacting to every day here.

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Predicting who's at risk for violence isn't easy


CHICAGO (AP) — It happened after Columbine, Virginia Tech, Aurora, Colo., and now Sandy Hook: People figure there surely were signs of impending violence. But experts say predicting who will be the next mass shooter is virtually impossible — partly because as commonplace as these calamities seem, they are relatively rare crimes.


Still, a combination of risk factors in troubled kids or adults including drug use and easy access to guns can increase the likelihood of violence, experts say.


But warning signs "only become crystal clear in the aftermath, said James Alan Fox, a Northeastern University criminology professor who has studied and written about mass killings.


"They're yellow flags. They only become red flags once the blood is spilled," he said.


Whether 20-year-old Adam Lanza, who used his mother's guns to kill her and then 20 children and six adults at their Connecticut school, made any hints about his plans isn't publicly known.


Fox said that sometimes, in the days, weeks or months preceding their crimes, mass murderers voice threats, or hints, either verbally or in writing, things like "'don't come to school tomorrow,'" or "'they're going to be sorry for mistreating me.'" Some prepare by target practicing, and plan their clothing "as well as their arsenal." (Police said Lanza went to shooting ranges with his mother in the past but not in the last six months.)


Although words might indicate a grudge, they don't necessarily mean violence will follow. And, of course, most who threaten never act, Fox said.


Even so, experts say threats of violence from troubled teens and young adults should be taken seriously and parents should attempt to get them a mental health evaluation and treatment if needed.


"In general, the police are unlikely to be able to do anything unless and until a crime has been committed," said Dr. Paul Appelbaum, a Columbia University professor of psychiatry, medicine and law. "Calling the police to confront a troubled teen has often led to tragedy."


The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry says violent behavior should not be dismissed as "just a phase they're going through."


In a guidelines for families, the academy lists several risk factors for violence, including:


—Previous violent or aggressive behavior


—Being a victim of physical or sexual abuse


—Guns in the home


—Use of drugs or alcohol


—Brain damage from a head injury


Those with several of these risk factors should be evaluated by a mental health expert if they also show certain behaviors, including intense anger, frequent temper outbursts, extreme irritability or impulsiveness, the academy says. They may be more likely than others to become violent, although that doesn't mean they're at risk for the kind of violence that happened in Newtown, Conn.


Lanza, the Connecticut shooter, was socially withdrawn and awkward, and has been said to have had Asperger's disorder, a mild form of autism that has no clear connection with violence.


Autism experts and advocacy groups have complained that Asperger's is being unfairly blamed for the shootings, and say people with the disorder are much more likely to be victims of bullying and violence by others.


According to a research review published this year in Annals of General Psychiatry, most people with Asperger's who commit violent crimes have serious, often undiagnosed mental problems. That includes bipolar disorder, depression and personality disorders. It's not publicly known if Lanza had any of these, which in severe cases can include delusions and other psychotic symptoms.


Young adulthood is when psychotic illnesses typically emerge, and Appelbaum said there are several signs that a troubled teen or young adult might be heading in that direction: isolating themselves from friends and peers, spending long periods alone in their rooms, plummeting grades if they're still in school and expressing disturbing thoughts or fears that others are trying to hurt them.


Appelbaum said the most agonizing calls he gets are from parents whose children are descending into severe mental illness but who deny they are sick and refuse to go for treatment.


And in the case of adults, forcing them into treatment is difficult and dependent on laws that vary by state.


All states have laws that allow some form of court-ordered treatment, typically in a hospital for people considered a danger to themselves or others. Connecticut is among a handful with no option for court-ordered treatment in a less restrictive community setting, said Kristina Ragosta, an attorney with the Treatment Advocacy Center, a national group that advocates better access to mental health treatment.


Lanza's medical records haven't been publicly disclosed and authorities haven't said if it is known what type of treatment his family may have sought for him. Lanza killed himself at the school.


Jennifer Hoff of Mission Viejo, Calif. has a 19-year-old bipolar son who has had hallucinations, delusions and violent behavior for years. When he was younger and threatened to harm himself, she'd call 911 and leave the door unlocked for paramedics, who'd take him to a hospital for inpatient mental care.


Now that he's an adult, she said he has refused medication, left home, and authorities have indicated he can't be forced into treatment unless he harms himself — or commits a violent crime and is imprisoned. Hoff thinks prison is where he's headed — he's in jail, charged in an unarmed bank robbery.


___


Online:


American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry: http://www.aacap.org


___


AP Medical Writer Lindsey Tanner can be reached at http://www.twitter.com/LindseyTanner


Read More..

Letting strangers live rent-free in his house: cool or crazy?








When Tony Tolbert turned 50 last year, he marked the occasion by moving in with his mother.


The decision wasn't about money. He's a Harvard-educated attorney, on the staff of UCLA's law school. And it wasn't because his mother wanted or needed him home.


It was Tolbert's response to the sort of midlife milestone that prompts us to take stock. Instead of buying a sports car, he decided to turn his home — rent free — over to strangers.






He'd been inspired by a magazine article about a family that sold their house, squeezed into a tiny replacement and donated to charity the $800,000 proceeds from the sale.


"It just struck me how powerful a gesture that was," Tolbert said. "It challenged me to think about what I could do, where I might have some overflow in my life."


His overflow was a modest home on a quiet tree-lined street a short walk from Crenshaw Boulevard. He'd lived there alone for 10 years.


Last January, he moved out and a young single mother with three little children moved in. A South Los Angeles domestic violence program chose the family from its shelter and brokered the deal.


He agreed to let her pay one dollar a month, and imposed on her only one rule: "Whatever has to happen to keep things drama free, that's what I need you to do."


When Tolbert first shared his story with me, he wanted me to write about it but not name him. He didn't want publicity. He just hoped that, since he'd gotten the idea from something he'd read, maybe someone reading my column would be inspired to … do what?


Let strangers take over their homes rent-free?


I figured he was either crazy, very rich or hopelessly naive.


That was last summer, when he didn't know himself how the experiment would work out. There were times, he said, when he wondered if his leap of faith had gone a step too far.


"A couple of friends said 'You're out of your mind.' But others said 'That's great.'"


His mother worried that he was being too trusting — and didn't exactly relish the idea of sharing space with her grown son for the first time in 30 years.


But he'd grown up in a family where sharing your blessings mattered.


So Tolbert left the good furniture for the woman who moved in. He didn't hide his grandmother's heirloom quilt or put away the fine art.


"I told her straight out, this is my home. I'm leaving these things for you to enjoy. I want you to be comfortable here."


That was a learning process for Tolbert: "It was a good exercise in not grasping and hanging on to stuff.... Short of them burning the house down, I had to accept that whatever they tear up, it can also be repaired."


And he had to accept that generosity and gratitude aren't always a matched pair.


"I had all kinds of preconceived notions about how this would play out. We would meet, she would be weeping, want to give me a big hug.... I had to learn to detach, not be attached to any particular outcome or course."






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